CHAPTER 6
Madge the Motoring Legend
As I have mentioned
previously my Father’s eldest sister “Madge”, real name Margery, was not the
most adept motorist.
Far back in my memory I
recall tales of her taking driving lessons but due to her being unable to stay
awake in an enclosed vehicle, the whole concept proved impractical. She decided
her ideal mode of transport would have to involve fresh air. It was 1955 and
she managed to buy one of the very first Lambretta model scooters imported into
the UK.
The LD150 was stoutly built
and needed to be as Madge weighed 18 stone or so on a good day. On a bad day
she leapt up to over 20 stone and whenever her visits were announced household
furniture had to be changed around. She loved the fireside and dropped into a
chair with such gratitude that the poor appliance of choice suffered mortal
damage.
Back with the scooter, her
selling agent must have been gifted to offer her the only machine capable of
standing her physical dimensions. Added to this, the model came with an
electric self starter and simply enormous windshield.
Madge was a nurse and decided
to leave her London home following the unfortunate demise of her husband and
then a few years later the death of her daughter. She was engaged in a post at
a children’s home quite close to Spalding and about 16 miles from where we were
all living at Boston in the late 1950’s.
EPISODES
Father was called out on
several occasions to assist when Madge had misjudged the corners of rural
Lincolnshire and found herself in the bottom of a dyke. We travelled to North
Lincolnshire one evening when she had taken a wrong turning and fallen off the
scooter in the twisty steep streets of Caistor. That evening I ended driving
the scooter back to Boston while Madge, somewhat bruised and bent took the
passenger seat of the family car. I must add at this moment that Madge did
travel in that Renault Dauphine just once; Mother had such trouble keeping the
car going in a straight line that she was banned from this vehicle in the
future. I once had the misfortune to have to travel behind Madge, me on the
Lambretta passenger seat. Her bulk before me was off putting but extremely good
at protecting me from wind and rain.
PENULTIMATE
The penultimate episode was
when father was “commanded” to assist in a rather unpleasant motoring incident
in Epping Forest. Madge had moved back to the London area having found the
rural Lincolnshire roads with their wide dykes just too great a disadvantage.
My father as far as I could work out was to appear in court as a character
witness for my Aunt. The case involved a
scooter rider (my Aunt), who had blatantly driven across a table cloth being
used by a family having a picnic in the forest.
Evidently the family was well away from the road, or so they thought;
they had their food all prepared and were seated around on the ground when
quite suddenly this motor scooter came across the same area that they were
using and ran over their cloth and picnic. Whether it stopped or when, I am not
sure of the facts; only that the Police had absolute proof that the scooter
involved belonged to my Aunt because the tyre tracks matched her scooter
exactly. How they did not lock her up and throw away the key I just do not
know.
FINALLY
Finally came the incident
with the Lord Mayor of Aylesbury, or rather his official car. Being a large
stately vehicle it came off the best and Aunt Madge ended up as a patient in
Stoke Manderville Hospital; the very same place where she was working at the
time. I eventually begged the bent and battered scooter from Aunt Madge as I
had in the meantime bought a scooter of the same marque and model for my own
use. What possible better recommendation could one get, the LD150 had never let
her down. Through thick and thin, forest, dykes and up and down the UK that
remarkable machine had put up with everything my 20 stone Aunt could throw at
it for eight years or more. The only thing that had stopped it in the end was
being driven head on into a Daimler Limousine.
Madge did get on the road
again but insisted on something smaller; once back at work she bought a Honda
90 which did stalwart service for a few more years. Perhaps it was its lack of
sheer power that prevented Aunt Madge from appearing in any further traffic
courts.
Ends
Copyright RKS 1999
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